Residual Booze.

I love this title. I have no idea why, just do. ^^ But, it doesn't really relate to what I wanted to write about at all...meh.


So, I guess this is the last utterly depressing topic that I really have to talk about- in the words of John Mayer (fuck off I love him!)- split screen sadness. That alliteration describes my life better than any possible other alternative. Let's list this off- my oldest best friend (meaning the one I've been friends with the longest) lives in Missouri, my other seven closest friends live in Indiana, Canada, Germany, Sweden, the Netherlands and Namibia, my dog is no longer physically in this world, my sisters live with my parents while I live in Ann Arbor, my boyfriend and I have been doing long distance for three years and finally, the person who I feel closest to in the entire world lives in fucking Arizona. In all cases but one, we are dealing with miles and miles of separation, continents and oceans to cross and the ever present barrier of time and space. But ultimately, what is the worst part about it all (again, I quote John Mayer)?

98 degrees of separation.




It sounds stupid and shallow, but really it's not. I believe that humans, well all life really, are just spirits bound in bodies. So, even though I have really good relationships with all these people and I know how deeply I am loved and how deeply I love them, it doesn't take off the edge of the bittersweetness of it all. We experience our lives physically, and even though the most important things in life are indeed separate from anything earth-bound, it doesn't change the fact of the matter that we know a lot about each other simply from watching them, noticing their physical habits that tee you off to something deeper within. Ultimately, what sucks the most is the simple simple fact that I can't be with them. When they cry, I can't hold them. When they are in pain, I can rub circles in their back and tell them that life will go on. I can't experience life with them and they can't experience life with me. I can't just laugh about something that happened that day without actually telling them about it first. We can't spontaneously do anything because it would take hundreds or thousands of dollars and a few hours at least for us to even get to the point where our geography would be in line for us to even have the ability to do something on a whim. At the end of the day, I still crawl into bed alone. So even though John Mayer's song may have nothing to do with this discussion at all, the simple line "come back to bed" pretty much describes the feeling of it all. To me, there is no better feeling than falling asleep next to a friend; to feel the heat of them next to you or to listen as their breathing slows or to listen as your heartbeats naturally align. Falling asleep has always been that slippery line between reality and the great beyond. It's the point where you loose your grasp on a sentient state of mind and just have to trust that you'll wake up the next morning. How wonderful is it then, to have someone you would lay down your life for, someone who knows you inside and out, someone you trust over anything and everything, be there right beside you for it all??



"Just don't leave me, alone here. It's cold baby. Come back to bed."