But anyways, onto something not so epic but totally hilarious:
The Twilight Saga.
Dun Dun DUN!
(Which by the way, I spell 'twilight' wrong every fucking time I try to spell it...)
So here's the story; I have a Google sidebar (gasp!) which contains a news gadget. I figured it would be good to keep up on US news while I was abroad. Apparently America still shallow and self-absorbed though. Because this article popped up not once, but FOUR times on my sidebar:
"'Breaking Dawn' Will Most Likely Include A Birthing Scene"
What.
The.
Fuck.
Yes, unfortunately I stayed with the series until the last book and got to enjoy the massive literary fail that was the ultimate shit Dracula FanFiction for sexually desperate young women across the globe. And holy hell was that a mistake. What a waste of two days. Breaking Dawn can't even be considered literature, it's so poorly written, just a fanfare for the common and deranged female populace. But at any rate, do I want to see a birthing scene?
Fuck no! The WORD itself is nauseating. Please, I don't want to hear about it, I don't want to read about it, and I certainly don't want to SEE it. I mean Jesus, who in their right mind would get a gooey-eyed over watching a uterus expand faster than Elin Nordegren's wallet or Kirsty Alley's ass? Not I.
But what really makes me piss my pants with laughter are the comments left on the page. First, there is this epically awesome comment-
"How is Kristen Stewart going to give birth to a baby when she was born a man? She doesn't have a uterus."
ROFL. Touché my good man but holy crap did THAT piss off the Twihards. Not only did they defend KS to the high heavens, they then proceeded to proclaim love and adoration for the series. Namely the sex and birth scenes. Readers were saying that if the sex and birthing scenes weren't in the film the integrity of the books would be defiled. Because the integrity of the books depends on hot, steamy sex. Haha, hahaha. I can just see the straight-laced Catholic girls begging for soft porn on the huge movie theater screen. Jesus. Let's examine this further shall we?
1. "The birth and sex scene should be included! If parents will let their kids read it, they can watch it. Increase the rating though, so we can get the story in it's full effect, not some muted shell of itself."
1. "The birth and sex scene should be included! If parents will let their kids read it, they can watch it. Increase the rating though, so we can get the story in it's full effect, not some muted shell of itself."
"...not some muted shell of itself." ROFL. Need I say more? I think we all know who is planning on wanking off to R-Patz (lol, yes he really is called that, and yes, I was lame enough to look that one up) and Stewey awkwardly grasping at each others bony bodies.
2. "To Raaay : Yes there is alot of the younger crowd but I can say as far as a proud Twilight Mom, that the sex scene's should be left in hello thats the way the story goes without the sex there could be no pregnancy and then there wouldn't of been the book. It's more than that we have followed this story of Edward and Bella and there life, it's there life story and the Birth or Renesmee is very important just as in real life the birth of a baby is SPECIAL... Keep it in!!!"
This one just makes me sick. She even capitalized the "Birth of Renesmee" to convey it's importance just as one would capitalize Independence Day, Fourth of July, or, idk, The Revelation. Just because the birth of a baby is special, or should I say SPECIAL, doesn't mean Stewey's (I quite like this nickname) pussy is just as special. Or rather, SPECIAL.
3. "I think that the shots could be completely directed at their faces, rather than Bella's body. It would add into the emotion, and really make you connect to the characters. As for the sex, why not just follow them before and after? They can talk about it, and talk about doing it, but no nudity or anything. Call me old-fashioned"
3. "I think that the shots could be completely directed at their faces, rather than Bella's body. It would add into the emotion, and really make you connect to the characters. As for the sex, why not just follow them before and after? They can talk about it, and talk about doing it, but no nudity or anything. Call me old-fashioned"
Ahahahahahahhahahahahaha.
Hahahaha,
Ha.
I think you know why I'm laughing. Why thank-you anonymous viewer coolkid123. Perhaps we will also make the shots misty and play Enya's most epic music track in the background whilst thousands of roses and sparkle dust drift to the earth from the heavens. Bravo.
4. "i think, if you want to give the book justice....you should inclue as much of everything in the movie as possible!! x-rated or not! it's the last of the movies [books] so give it the book the justice it deserves! [the first one didn't]"
Lol, again with the stereotypical "nothing spreads faster than a Catholic girl's legs" style comment. Except not really, but still funny. Yes, yes justify that book! Oh babay!!!
5. "oh boy i cant wait for breaking dawn - that sh*t is so f*cked up it will be the epicness on the tube YOU GUYS BETTER GO FULL WAY AND INCLUDE EVERY DAMN THING
werewolves falling in love with babies that vampires delivered with c-sections themselves
THIS IS WHAT TV WAS CREATED FOR"
Lol, I love you man. Your sarcasm just made my day. 8D
6. "I agree with the ppl who say "Parents let them read it so seeing inst bad" I think it would so stupid if they edit out the sex and birth! If they do thats the freackin movie gone! If they're old enuf to read about sex and birth they shud b old enuf to see it! God an if u dont like twilight why do u waste ur time looking it up or reading about it? Oh and Team Edward:)"
I just liked this display of non-existent spelling skillz and the "Team Edward". Because indeed this is crucial. I myself would indeed join the "Team Jacob's Dick" club, but I'm afraid all the 'roids have taken their toll. And unfortunately, no one felt the urge to create a "Team Bella's Cootch" or "Team Edward's Abs" club. Oh right, I forgot that those body parts don't exist. Well, at least not in any sexually tempting way. Too bad.
I know, my sorrow is jerking at your heart strings...or your cock, that is, if this sex/birthing scene discussion has really just blasted you off into the sexual cosmos.
Yeah, me either. Apparently the Twihards get off on it. Yet another reason they are strange and we should ostracize them.
Oh and here is the article for y'alls:
http://www.celebuzz.com/breaking-dawn-will-most-likely-s225161/
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