Considering all my vehicle mishaps, to say that I have a unique relationship with the cops is pretty accurate. Unfortunately I'm not Neal Caffrey or a mobster, so the relationship really is quite dull...Uniquely dull?? Wow, that sounded stupid. At any rate, between several tickets, multiple rear-endings, and one horrific car rollover (admittedly it was quite exhilarating...) I've learned a thing or two about how to deal with policemen and women. Firstly, crying and claiming you're late for your church brass ensemble performance is a sure fire way to have your ticket waived and/or reduced from 40+ miles over the speed limit to a mere five. And yes, I've done it. every damned time. Secondly, despite the fact that you may desperately want the presence of a strong, sensible and sturdy copper by your side in time of automotive crisis, you really don't. Because basically, if a cop is there it pretty much is a red flag for "Oh shit, you're fucked." Trust me, one way or another, you will be. Either you'll be close to loosing life, limb and incredibly valuable assets, or you'll be neck high in your own shit because you were too stupid to look for cops whilst breaking the law so you could correct yourself before they were hot on your ass. Talk about making your own bed and lying in it. Ugh.
So, as you can see, every time I've ever been in the presence of a police officer, hell every time I see a police officer, I have to try massively to maintain control over my bowels and try not to make a break for it. Maybe it's because I'm a bit of a goodie tooshies, or maybe it's because every time I see a cop I somehow end up owing the department at least two hundred bucks. Yeah, that's a healthy relationship. But whatever I guess, cops save lives and catch criminals. I pipette bacteria in a lab until my eyes water. You tell me who made the better career choice.
That being said, I still love it when I see a cop in action. It just tickles me pink for whatever reason; probably because I'm a cold hearted bitch and enjoy seeing the misery of whoever the cop is hot on the heels of and am glad as hell that it isn't me. But today I saw something that was just absolutely ridiculous. Hell, I'm still trying to process the idiocy of this guy. And no, it's not some moronic civilian, nope it's the police officer himself.
Haha ha ha ha.
Now, I'm sure we've all heard the story from our crazy uncle or flamboyant aunt about how a police officer turns on his sirens and lights for a donut run. I've often wondered myself if a cop has ever done that. Would I? For Krispie Kremes? Hell yes. Was what I saw today in any way, shape or form related to donuts? Nope. 8D (And honestly, this story is probably going to degenerate into something horrifically boring, so you might want to just, ahem, stop reading here...O.o) No, seriously, this cop was just, I mean, wow. I was driving in a speed trap zone (yes, I have them mapped out...), not really minding my speed, when I look in the rear view mirror and see a copmobile, right up my ass. First thoughts? "Oh shit." was pretty high up there. Thinking I was going to get ticketed, I attempted to covertly bring the gallop of my car down to a trot. Once I dropped under the limit, I glanced back in the mirror and what do I see? The cop (duh) still up my ass and now about halfway around the corner. No lube. 8( So basically I'm starting to freak a little, acid party in my stomach and all. But still, this is interesting. I've never been tailed by a cop before. Slowly proceeding the next few hundred meters, I monitor this guy intently, checking out his facial expressions and driving for any indications that I was in the canner. Other than a petulant annoyance, I pick up nothing and I'm becoming seriously confused. Then, out of nowhere this so-called policeman gets into the turn lane, without turning his blinker on mind you, and drives up the left-hand turn lane past three green lights and one red one before re-merging across two lanes on traffic. And he never once turned his sirens or lights on. Jesus. But of course that was to come. The cop was behind some non-nondescript car (if that's any indication to y'all) and I guess highly irritated. Anyways, soon as the light turns green, the cop rides this poor guys ass like there's no tomorrow through one more light before turning on those damned sirens and whirling lights and pulling the poor bastard over. And all this time I thought it was illegal to follow a driver a significant distance before pulling them over. Just another reason why the grand 'ol state of Michigan is going to shit. I knew I should be wary.
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