Penumbra.

Usually, when I spend a lot of time with my dog, Shiloh, I think about the crazy big things of the universe. You know, life for one. They say that when you pet an animal your blood pressure decreases and a sense of calm is suppose to wash over you. I don't really know if this is true, but I guess when I'm around my dog the world does seem to whirl a little slower (not that it was going that fast to begin with...). Lately, as in the past few years, I've been thinking about, well, to put it frankly, existence. I know. Wow Holly, profound (also quite vague...). Don't worry, I'm not going to try to make this into a huge, well-thought out argument. If you know me, then you know that I generally don't think things through before I act...okay, okay, so I never do.

-_-


That's the disapproving audience face. :( Anyways, I basically have nothing to write about (notice that this post is four days late...O.o sorry guys!) so I figured I would just, ummm, drabble. I guess I should add the disclaimer that the next bunch of posts will probably be drabbles. I have been quite lazy as of late, and tend to work (aka, endure mind-numbing hours of solitude and loose all sense of intellectual thought), come home, eat, take a dump, and then stay up obscenely late surfing the web and then falling asleep only because my eyes burn and waking up pissed off because I have to begin yet another miserable day. I know, you should be jealous. And yes, I suppose I should stop this bush-whacking and actually begin sketching my point...though this is a drabble...

One of my favorite comedians, Frankie Boyle, once said during a Mock the Week episode, "Oh, Dara, I don't know if you've noticed yet, BUT WERE ON A DYING FUCKING PLANET!!" ->;insert audience laughing hysterically<- This quote is definitely in my top ten best quotes ever list; 1. partly because it is true (duh Holly) and 2. mostly because it is outrageous. Most of my personal philosophy about live actually revolves around this outlook- from the moment we are wrought into an earthly existence we are dying, afflicted with a terminal disease scientists have entitled 'life'. This is scary as fuck to me. I know cosmos, you have this thing against me, and hell, pretty much every human being, but I shockingly enjoy existing. I don't really understand how I was created, the inner-workings of how I was stitched into existence, and I understand you are kicking yourself for this mistake, but I'll be damned if I let you destroy me. Literally. That's why a physical death is terrifying to me- I don't want to cease to exist. Granted, if for some reason I am wiped out of existence, I suppose it really won't matter to me, because hell, I won't exist, but still...okay, I can't breathe and am close to a painful cardiac arrest, so I'm going to stop talking about death as we know it and redirect the topic to life...because I really don't feel like shitting my pants right now. Thanks though.


Whew. Find a calm center. Fuck I hate philosophy and damn do I need some mala beads (not to mention a mantra...).


Okay (fifteen minutes later), my heart rate has now dropped to a healthy, regular level. Thank you Norah Jones and Pandora's selection of romantic period piano classics. Let's resume. What I find interesting about a perspective on life when you consider it in the context of death is how it makes everything that much more breathtaking and impermanent. I know that I'm probably going to be criticized for this, and I KNOW that this isn't in the Illiad (favorite literally piece people, I've read it three or four times...) and I KNOW that Troy is a terrible and largely inaccurate depiction of Homer's masterpiece and taking any life philosophy from this movie makes me seem fucking retarded, but what Achilles says to Briseis oddly struck a chord with me. Achilles tells Briseis that the gods are jealous of humans because nothing is more beautiful than the present; it's so bittersweet to humans because we never know what moment will be our last. I love this belief. I suppose that this is what makes people fight tooth and nail to save life, as bleak as it is. I've come to believe that this is part of why we humans revere things like beauty and youth so much- they're fleeting. This is actually why I favor dark, witty, or sarcastic bites (ex, British stand-up, Frasier, Will&Grace...). You see, for example, the funny and outrageous stories that I tell are great because they are the gift that keeps on giving, something that I can tell a million times over and it will always brings out a laugh, but something that is a brilliant spur of the moment isn't something you can capture. For instance, I doubt you even chuckled at Boyle's quip, and admittedly, with each passing view of the clip I laugh a little less hard. It's a fleeting humor, and that's pretty much the only reason why I don't want it to go. I suppose the same can be said of life.



More posts to come. Don't worry, less goo to come as well. Sorry about this writing hiatus. I haven't really had anything to discuss as of late (note the desperate stab at something mildly profound in this last post...). Anyways, I'm aiming at amending this literary travesty (granted it basically started that way anyways....) umm, soon. XD