I hate boobs. No lie. I wear a size 34 DD (fitted at VS thank you very much) and I absolutely abhor my not-so-little knockers. I don't want to disappoint the male/lesbian population out there, but this
is SO not realistic. Boob size, probably. Gravity-defying string bikini, impossible. And the fact that the animator/illustrator of these type of images believes that this poor young lass won't fall flat on her face is a testament to their ignorance of the struggles of a voluptuous-on-top gal. That, and we all know that as soon as she takes this napkin off she's going to plummet into the concrete a whole half a second later than her tits. This is well established, right? Damn gravity. If only it worked upwards instead.
Boobs suck. I plan on winning the lottery (aka whoring myself out) and paying for surgery to cut the flab out of my over-zealous knocks and slapping it on my malnourished ass (for those of you who haven't seen it...well, let's just say you're not the only one). This is my greatest aspiration in life...okay, not really, but damn is it one good fantasy. God, every blasted day, these tits pull me further and further down the evolution curve. Hello Quasi-fucking-moto.
Sometimes I really hate life.
You know who needs the push up bras? Yeah, no, not you, you little mosquito bites (yeah A cups, I’m talking to you). Quit your bitching. When you’re 80 are your hootchas going to be juggling down at your knees? NO. Nope, they will practically be macking on your collarbone. Me? My tits are already closer to my fucking belly button than my collarbone and I’m only 25% of the way to my heart’s predicted expiration date. Awesome. Why the hell hasn’t anyone come up with a sexy, lacy, straps-that-are-less-than-three-inches-thick, supportive, push-up bra for us busty ladies?
Why the freaking hell!?!?! If you want us to look as sexy as in your fantasies the least you could do is help us a little. Jesus.
…
Wait.
…
I smell a get rich scheme.
o__O
Veni Vidi Vici!
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