A Fool And Her Money Are Easily Parted

So, has anyone heard of "Emperor: Rise of the Middle Kingdom"? Yeah, well, basically it's an awesome city building game I use to play when I was like ten. I think we got the game at the dollar store to top it off. I was transfixed by how real they make the city; each of the characters has assigned tasks that they just go about doing and moreover their actions can be intelligently modified. For instance, if I build a wall, the characters know to go around it. If a fire starts in a cottage, the local officials actually go to the well, fetch buckets of water and douse the site. Keep in mind this game came out in like, I dunno, '02? I mean, I barely know how to use a computer, so I have no idea if this was technologically ahead of its time, but regardless, I find it fascinating. But anyways, being the moron I am, I lost the access code way back when, so when we got rid of our old desktop, I couldn't re-load the game. And yes, I demonstrated my even more inexpressible idiocy when I lacked the presence of mind to just look up the access code online for 8+ years. Now, however, that I am older and wiser, and have many, many techno-savvy friends, I still lack the basic common sense to figure this one out. Thank god for kid sisters.

The most menial of tasks this game requires is the maintenance of a village. You have a set budget and must use the resources around you to sustain your monies. If you're really a beast, you can build up an army and eventually conquer all of the Eastern lands!

But alas, I absolutely fail at maintaining one stinking village.


...


Until now.




Hell yes! Let's have a looksie at my flourishing 2033BCE metropolis, shall we??










XD Fucking incredible!! And yes, those photos are indeed saved on my cell phone. Oh, and you are so right to assume that one is my background. What can I say?? Emperor Poopoo is proud of her lil' city (yes, that really is my name, I mean, come on, it's pretty damn hilarious to get alerts that begin with Greatest Poopoo and Most Honorable Poopoo...I know... -_- ...classy... O.o).


You see, originally, I was a dumb ass. I built farms and a small 5 hut village and kept getting alerts that I needed a larger workforce. So what do I do? Mark-out more huts. And what do my loyal advisers tell me? We don't have the food stores to feed all these people. What the hell!!?!? So I'm thinking to myself, how in Zeus's name am I going to generate a sufficient workforce without overwhelming my food supply?? In the end, within two hours I was broke as a camel's back and half my city was on fire or crumbled to the ground. :_( And this damned, pathetic problem has kept me from reaching my ultimate goal of complete domination and repression of millions for days now!!! But now, now that I have unlocked the secrets to creating a literal virtual utopia (talk about a contradiction) nothing can stand in my way!!!



MUHAHAHAHA.



Hahahaha.



Haha...



Ha?




Yeah, my life is really this pathetic.